I use my computer every day. For all kinds of reasons.
I thought that when the semester ended, I would start blogging again, but alas, my computer is broken. The keyboard doesn't respond in a way that allows me to take joy in the rhythm of clacking keys. That rhythm generates ideas and inspires me to keep typing.
It all started at the beginning of April with a sticky "h." After a few days, "y" and "m" also stopped responding appropriately. Sometimes typing these keys resulted in no response, and sometimes I ended up with multiple characters. I posted this on FB, and my post contained several "y's" and missing "h's." This made friends laugh, and they also gave suggestions. As a result, I popped the offending keys off and put them back on. It didn't help. Then a friend give me a can of "air" to spray underneath the keys. That worked for a few weeks, and then my "h" key started falling off. I put it back on, several times an hour, and then I couldn't get it on at all. Now I push on the un-key. Sometimes. But mostly I copy an "h" somewhere and then press "Control-V" to copy it onto the page.
It's not just the "h." My down arrow became inconsistently unresponsive well over two months ago. I just thought perhaps I had forgotten how to navigate a web page. I realized it was more than that when my "a" key tried the same tricks.
I am a speed typist. This is frustrating. Unresponsive keyboards take the joy out of typing and writing and putting my ideas down on paper. Okay, it's not paper, but it feels like it.
I knew it needed to get the computer fixed, but I couldn't send it away during the semester. I needed it too much.
I hate it when things don't work the way they should. It just slows down everything.
Did I mention that my computer itself is significantly slower than it should be? I have to wait for web pages to load, and Word keeps shutting down for no good reason.
Yes. I feel like I am going crazy.
At the same time, I am essentially unemployed right now, earning no money. I have one tentative contract signed for the fall and two possible jobs for summer. I am living in limbo-land, and I really hate that. I'm fairly certain everything will line up eventually, and my computer will get a new keyboard next week, but in the meantime I'm copy-pasting "h's."
I told Duane on Tuesday that I was kind of in a funk. The computer, the uncertainty, unemployment . . . Trusting God is just hard. I like to see things lined up on a computer. It makes me feel better.
Life as an adjunct is all about living on the edge, trusting God to provide jobs. And I'm just not good at that. Maybe someday I will be. I don't know.
Duane said he would pray.
On Wednesday morning, I emailed the department chair at San Diego Christian College. I interviewed with him about a month ago and thought it went well, but I still didn't have a formal offer. I let him know that community colleges were asking about my availability. Ten minutes later he emailed me to let me know that a job offer was definitely coming. Thirty minutes after that, I got a call from HR.
Thirty minutes after that, I got an email from Mesa College with a job offer. I need five classes, but it's May and I have three. The others will fill in.
An hour later, I heard from my possible summer job at College of Extended Studies. I'm still waiting for specifics on that one, but it's a little easier to trust when I can see something.
And there's the irony. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Perhaps someday I can rest in God's faithfulness. Perhaps someday I will trust Him more completely. Perhaps someday broken keyboards won't sap my joy, and uncertain schedules and incomes won't put me into a funk.