Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Remembering Yesterday: FB Status Report August 24, 2009

You know how Facebook puts your status report from previous years in the upper right hand corner of the page sometimes?  Sometimes I ignore the references to the past, but sometimes remembering has power.  This reminder takes me back to right before I started teaching at San Diego State.

On This Day In 2009

Erin Flewellingwill finish the syllabus for RWS 100 today--no matter what. If you pray, please pray for me. Thanks.

I clicked on the post and got even more reminders.  This was written before our TA orientation.  I thought I needed to create a schedule for the entire semester.  I pored over other schedules and tried to imagine what it would be like to teach a classroom full of first semester freshmen.  I had no idea what it would be like.  It turned out I didn't actually need the schedule and so my fears were baseless.  Most of my fears are, actually.

It turned out that I love teaching.  I knew that already, of course, but actually teaching in a formal setting reminded me that there's nothing I would rather do.  Unless it's research, creating curriculum, or writing.

The post reminder means a lot to me today because I've just finished creating my syllabi for the four classes I'm teaching as a lecturer at San Diego State.  A week ago I got a call with an offer for two classes, and by Monday I had four classes.  Today, seven days after the first offer, my course reader is ready to be printed and I have four syllabi to take to the RWS office.  None of that scared me.

I get stronger every time I face a fear and walk forward into the unknown.  I'm a little overwhelmed by the need to learn 128 names (plus 25 for the ESL class), grade three sets of 128 papers, and start working on an ESL certificate.  More unknowns.  And a lot of work.

But I am not afraid.

Some years ago I told some friends that I felt like God was telling me to move.  Move forward.  I knew the general direction, but I wasn't exactly sure where I was going.  I still don't know exactly.  Maybe we never do.

Still, it's kind of good to look back and see where I was in relation to where I am now and know that I am moving even if the movement is frequently awkward or painful.  

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