It's been two weeks since I last posted about needing rest.
I have conflicted feelings.
I started tutoring two weeks ago, and I have to be at SDSU at 8:00 a.m. on Wednesdays and Fridays. That definitely cuts into writing time, although to be honest, I could write in my cubicle on campus. We only see two or three students per session. The rest of the time we wait.
I started journaling again. That felt good. Writing random thoughts into a journal is very different than publishing a blog that I hope people will read. It's not less honest, but it is more purposeful. I am always mindful that someone may read this blog, and I write for an imagined audience that wants to join me on life's journey.
Clearly, I needed to rest. I've been kind of burnt out. Not wanting to go to school. Not wanting to study or write. Not wanting to do anything.
And so I rested. I finished the book of Matthew, took pages of notes which I didn't want to turn into blogs. I cooked. I planned lessons. I graded papers. I tutored. I really do love teaching. I prayed for friends. I do feel rested, but it's time to tackle my last project for school. I have great ideas, but am not sure how to jump into them.
It's also time to return to my blog. These kinds of absences bother me. I think I stay away because I lack self discipline, and I know I lack self discipline in many areas of my life. And then the volume of notes I've written for the book of Matthew overwhelms me. How can I condense my notes and say something meaningful?
So here I am. Jumping back in again.
In a way it's kind of cute that I feel compelled to explain myself even in a blog that not too many people will read. I always feel compelled to explain myself. It's one of my charms. It can also be very irritating.