Monday, November 29, 2010

Discipline and Rest

It's been two weeks since I last posted about needing rest.
I have conflicted feelings.

I started tutoring two weeks ago, and I have to be at SDSU at 8:00 a.m. on Wednesdays and Fridays.  That definitely cuts into writing time, although to be honest, I could write in my cubicle on campus.  We only see two or three students per session.  The rest of the time we wait.

I started journaling again.  That felt good.  Writing random thoughts into a journal is very different than publishing a blog that I hope people will read.  It's not less honest, but it is more purposeful.  I am always mindful that someone may read this blog, and I write for an imagined audience that wants to join me on life's journey.

Clearly, I needed to rest.  I've been kind of burnt out.  Not wanting to go to school.  Not wanting to study or write.  Not wanting to do anything.

And so I rested.  I finished the book of Matthew, took pages of notes which I didn't want to turn into blogs.  I cooked.  I planned lessons.  I graded papers.  I tutored.  I really do love teaching.  I prayed for friends.  I do feel rested, but it's time to tackle my last project for school.  I have great ideas, but am not sure how to jump into them.

It's also time to return to my blog.  These kinds of absences bother me.  I think I stay away because I lack self discipline, and I know I lack self discipline in many areas of my life.  And then the volume of notes I've written for the book of Matthew overwhelms me.  How can I condense my notes and say something meaningful?

So here I am.  Jumping back in again.
In a way it's kind of cute that I feel compelled to explain myself even in a blog that not too many people will read.  I always feel compelled to explain myself.  It's one of my charms.  It can also be very irritating.

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