Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Returning to the Real World

Well, we made it through the holidays, we put away the decorations, and my mom and brother returned to Colorado.  We drove to Napa and spent a few days in luxury, but vacation ended.  And now we're home, driving our own car instead of the brand new rental, emptying the expired food out of the refrigerator and planning our own meals.

Except for a few boxes left over from Christmas and the two left-over slices of dulce de leche cheesecake from Christmas Eve that I just couldn't bring myself to toss, there is no sign of the holidays in our house.

They're over.  Done.  And we're returning to the real world.

Duane's getting ready for work, and I'm sitting here, on my bed, thinking about which things to accomplish today.

Certainly, I want to put away the laundry from yesterday and get rid of the boxes.  And the cheesecake.  That goes almost without saying.

For nearly three weeks, I set aside planning for the next semester, doing research, and writing in this blog.  I feel rested, mostly.  And it's time to get moving.  Check things off the list.  Organize my life.  Change my lifestyle.  Exercise.  Eat right.  Clean.

I can do it.  I am strong.

The thing is, I've just finished reading Isaiah, and I still hear the words of the prophet ringing through my head. In repentance and rest are your salvation.  In quietness and trust are your strength.

Don't trust in horses. Ask God for help.  Rely on his strength.  Trust his power and not your own.

In the real world, the one I'm used to, I try to do things on my own, and although I get most things done, I get tired and crash.  Or berate myself for not getting enough things done.  I isolate myself from friends, and I fail to take care of my physical body.

I don't really want to go back to that world.  But I also don't want to sit on the bed and have Duane bring me coffee all day long.  (Well, maybe I do, but that's just because I am lazy, and he is just so very cute in the maid outfit I got him for Christmas.)

Learning to move means far more than checking things off on a list, taking risks, or living out dreams that have lain dormant for far too long.  It means slowing down to spend time with God every day, even more than once a day, learning to listen to his voice, watching for his direction, and waiting for his timing.  It means asking for help, even when I think I can take care of things on my own.

It means learning to move with God instead of on my own.
It means becoming increasingly like him.

And yes, it means moving in new directions, taking God-sized risks.  Doing things I cannot do without God's power flowing through me.

I want to live in God's world and not my own.  I want to live in his reality, and even if I don't understand it fully, and I don't, I want to learn to move in his love and grace, experiencing it daily, and giving it away.

Whew.  This will not be accomplished in a day.  Or a week.  Probably not this year.

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