Sunday, March 28, 2010

One Last Thought

This conference paper has been a difficult to process for me.
I don't know why I'm so fearful.
Maybe it's the unknown.

Maybe it's the sense that I don't quite measure up to some nebulous academic standards that I have created, but remain undefined.

I have wanted to quit, and friends and family have believed in me and encouraged me and prayed for me. I have felt their prayers.

God has stepped in and helped me.

A friend from school, Laura Wilson, found a journal article in some of her own research and said she felt prompted to send it to me. I saved it to my hard drive, intending to get to it later. I forgot about it until Thursday. It turned out to be an essential source in figuring out how to proceed.

Columbia extended the deadline for the paper from Thursday to Friday, giving me a little extra time, which I totally needed.

Even when I wanted to quit, I knew quitting wasn't an option.

I don't know what God has in store for me at this conference. I don't know what he is doing in my life right now or what he is preparing me for in the future.

I do know he is God. He loves me.
In my own very flawed, very imperfect way, I am a part of his story.

And I am grateful.


Anonymous said...

Wow Erin, Yes and Amen!
I've thought about you so much this last week...thinking about you and this paper your writting...
Keep us posted! =)

Amanda said...

There's beauty in living in the unknown, scary for the recovering control freaks like me, but I cherish my utter dependance on God. SOOO excited for you and will be praying for you this week, more than usual. Love ya!

Erin Flew said...

Amanda, I so want to begin to cherish the adventures of life. Thank you all for your prayers. I am blessed to have so many dear friends.