Thursday, August 19, 2010

8:51 in the morning, and I'm almost awake

I woke up last night at 3:30 a.m.  Technically, I suppose that's morning.  And in fact I wake up at around 3:30 every morning.  Except for the nights I wake up at 2:00.  I lie awake and think through the different situations, mostly financial and related to finding a job that will fill in the gaps.  And then I think about school and teaching and all the things I have to do there.  And I try to think through how I'm going to write the thesis.

Sometimes I walk downstairs and watch television.  But last night I just lay there, thinking about all the things I normally think about and how I wished I could sleep.  And I did fall asleep sometime after 4:45 and then I slept until 7:30.  And now I'm having a hard time waking up.

I'm also having a hard time doing anything productive.  I have my books around me.  My Bible and my journal.  My school stuff is on the floor near my feet.  And I'm not sure what to start with.

The only Scripture I can wrap my head around this morning is from Psalm 73.
Whom have I in heaven but you, and earth has nothing I desire besides you. 
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.  
Deep breath.  
I want to live this attitude, resting in the fact that my Lord is with me, holding my hand, working out the details, worshiping Him when I don't know what's going to happen next.  Because nothing matters more than Him.

And yet, I keep forgetting.
I haven't yet learned the art of waiting on the Lord while moving forward.

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